The Evil One
by Ricktatorship2016
Summary: Tony Stark got a new Easy Bake Oven. It isn't working. He needs the Avengers and he will go to every length to get their help. AVENGERS ASSEMBLE (Rated T for language. Tony has a potty mouth) Also, this is what happens when I am up late. Jeez, it is weird, but please read. Leave reviews and whatever. And it is suspense. Yeah. Will he get the oven to work? And who cares?
1. Chapter 1

***Yeah, so all copyrights go to Marvel and directing/writing god Joss Whedon. Thanks for reading. Leave reviews, follow, and favorite. I am not going to force you. But...JUST DO IT."**

"THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE EASY, PEPPER!" Tony yelled, hitting the purple Easy-Bake Oven. Pepper ran in, then just glared at him.

"Really, Tony?" she asked.

"No. I was joking. What do you think, Pepper? I create suits from the future and yet this won't bake me a God damn cookie! I JUST WANT A GOD DAMN COOKIE!" Tony yelled. He slapped the Easy-Bake Oven again.

"I will get you a cookie right away, sir," Jarvis said. Tony growled like a wolf. Pepper rolled her eyes and left.

"I will make the cookie, Jarvis. I will make the cookies," Tony promised.

"Would you like me to assemble the avengers for this crisis, sir?" Jarvis asked. Tony began to protest, but stopped himself. _This is a risk, me not having an Easy-Bake Oven cookie. I could start punching people, _Tony thought to himself.

"Start the emergency phone tree, Jarvis! Start it now, before I start punching people!" Tony said. _Haha, now we can eat the cookies together. Wait no, I will eat ALL the cookies. Then I will get fat. Shit, I'm Iron Man. I won't get fat_, Tony thought to himself. Tony realized that he was spending too much time with himself.

"I am going to lead the company with your name on it," Pepper told Tony, stepping in the elevator.

"Don't you want 12% of a cookie?" Tony asked.

"12%?" Pepper questioned. Tony sighed.

"You drive a hard bargain. 15% and that is final," Tony said. Pepper rolled her eyes as the elevator doors shut. Tony smirked_. My plan worked_. _That bitch won't try to steal my cookies now_, Tony thought. This was getting out of hand. Tony knew that the directions were mostly in Spanish which he was rusty on. The English side was more confusing then a children's toy instructions should be.

"Sir, the only avenger willing to come is Bruce Banner. That is only because he is in Stark Tower already," Jarvis explained. Tony sighed staring at the sad cookie mix.

"Jarvis, I need plans to get the Avengers here," Tony told Jarvis.

"But, sir, Model-75892 needs to be calibrated if you plan-"

"Jarvis. Don't be a bitch." Jarvis sighed and Tony glared at the supposedly "Easy"-Bake Oven. He fiddled with something that looked mechanically awesome as Bruce walked in.

"Really, Tony?" Bruce asked.

"You know, you sound just like Pepper," Tony told him. Bruce pushed up his glasses and went straight to the kitchen.

"It is amazing you are a millionaire." Tony cleared his throat.

"Correction, billionaire," he said. Bruce stared at the Easy-Bake Oven then moved his focus to the instructions. He turned it every which was and hit it with his hand.

"Well don't get too angry, Brucers," Tony joked. Bruce sighed.

"I can't figure it out. It may be malfunctioning. Did you replace the bulb? Maybe it came with a bad one," Bruce suggested. Tony scoffed.

"I'm not an idiot. I replaced it four times and it still won't warm," Tony explained. Bruce sat on a chair and rubbed his temples.

"We need Thor. Maybe he can electrocute it and that will bring the circuits back to life," Bruce said, jumping up in excitement. Tony stroked his unshaven. It never got old to see Goldilocks the Carpenter. Plus, he would like to see that so called "god" be taken down a peg by the villainess Easy-Bake Oven.

"What we need to figure out it how to get him here."

"I know," Bruce claimed.

*30 minutes later*

"YOU USED DARK MAGIC TO CONJURE ME HERE?!" Thor yelled, swinging his hammer around like a maniac. Stark put his hands up.

"Eh, point break. No need for the swinging and whatnot," Tony said, patting him on the shoulder from a distance. Thor swatted Tony's hand away like a bug.

"Do not touch me with your plump hand," Thor yelled. Tony snorted, offended.

"My hand is not fat!" Thor throws his hammer down, making a hole in the ground. Tony frowns and calls for a robot to come clean up the symbols on the ground.

"I don't understand how you even know how to use magic," Thor ponders.

"He doesn't I do," Bruce chimes in.

"Yeah, Brucers is quite talented. Aren't you, Brucers?" Tony asks, pinching Bruce's cheek. Bruce frowns at Tony until he stops, then pushes up his glasses.

"Stop calling me Brucers," Bruce warned.

"Okay, okay," Tony said. But the truth was, deep inside him, Tony felt differently. Through everything, the pain, the cuddling…wait, there wasn't cuddling. Tony knew that Brucers just felt natural, and he was determined to be himself. He would call him Brucers no matter what the cost.


	2. Chapter 2

***Again it was later. Warnings: Spelling errors are possible, weird happenings, and Tony seductiveness! Please review, favorite, follow, or whatever.***

"Maybe I can shoot it with an arrow?" Clint suggests. Tony begins mixing the batter seductively.

"Maybe you can hug me," Tony demands. Natasha and Clint slowly turn to stare at Tony. He smiles and winks in response.

"What did you say?" Hawkeye questions. Tony frowns, turning his gaze to the batter again. Tony thinks to himself, _this is why I don't hang out with S.H.I.E.L.D. agents. S.H.I.E.L.D. must stand for Sedatives Hide In Elephant Limbs, Duh. Yep, that makes total sense. _

"Nothing," Tony growls. Natasha flips over and stares at the Easy-Bake-Oven. Thor lays on the terrace next to Bruce, looking at the smog covered skies. They point out different shapes they claim to be floating up there.

"I can trick it into thinking I am in it-" Natasha begins. Tony snorts. She glares at him. He sets the batter down roughly. Loud enough for Brucers and Thor to hear the ruckus and come inside.

"I can laugh in my own house, you stupid bitch," Tony says. Natasha tilts her head at him. Tony gasps. "Sorry, I meant hot whore. Sexy slut. Stunning Skank. Er, Justice of Jesus. Ah, I am sorry." Tony wails this as he runs down the hall.

"I feel like we are missing someone," Clint says.

"That hot guy!" Natasha cries out. Clint twitches as if he is agitated.

"You mean Steve?" Brucers asks.

"We can probably get Tony to-" Thor begins. Tony storms back in, eyes fuming with rage. He kicks the couch.

"I knew you guys were talking behind my back! I knew it!" he yells.

"We weren't," Brucers promises. Tony looks at him with puppy dog eyes.

"I expected more from you Brucers," Tony tells him.

"Don't call me Brucers!" he growls. The arguing went on. (This is not included because there is nudity and rude comments such as claiming "The Easy-Bake Oven is better then you" or "Silence is better than listening to the alpaca sounds your mother makes when she is talking". Then it goes on to, "My mom is dead". ) Clint finally calls off the silence.

"I have one question I have no idea how I got here," Clint says. Everyone gasps in disbelief. Then slowly they all turn to Natasha. Her eyes are wide and she hesitates before beginning to speak. Her body becomes still as stone.

"Me neither." They all stumble around in surprise. Suddenly all the doors open and Loki flies in with a terrible cackling noise.

"HAHAHHAHAHA, MY PEASANT, HUMAN, SLAVE, BITCHES! I AM HERE TO TAKE YOUR COOKIES," Loki bellows, making it echo through ought the halls. Everyone stops running into walls. Tony walks over to him.

"You listen here. The Easy-Bake Oven is not working," Tony explains. Loki becomes teary eyed and frowny faced.

"But I want my cookie-" Loki starts. Tony puts a finger to his lips.

"Sh, we will figure it out. We will," Tony promises. For Loki, he would get this Easy-Bake Oven to work. Then once the beautiful ding sounded and the smell of cookies filled the air, Tony would tell everyone to get the hell out of his house before he called the cops. This seems like a dream come true.


End file.
